From Knotties Niche:
Dear Micheal,
Dear Micheal
It has been over 2 years since I have heard your voice ( not on video) and over 2 years since I last hugged you. I know in my heart you knew you were loved. I hope you knew how proud of you I was and am. But I don’t think you ever realized how much a part of our lives you were. What a huge gaping hole losing you has left in the fabric of our lives.
I watch David wondering through life waiting for it to happen and know that you would have been the one he would have listened to. We can tell him over and over again he has to make it happen but it would have been you that made him stop waiting and start doing.. He has no clue what blessings he has. And he can’t see them through his grief. You would have rubbed his nose in them till he did. No one else was or is able to do that the way you could.
I see Anthony growing up without you to take him on outings like you use to and know he is missing out on the many things you would have taught him. He still forgets sometimes and asks about you. When you will be home and if you are still fighting bad guys. Then he remembers… I still remember the day right before you deployed when he asked me to call the Army and tell them to fire you so you didn’t have to go to Iraq. I wish I had… His lizard died a few months back. He acted like it didn’t bother him but he buried it in the backyard next to the cross there in your memory. He asked if the lizard was your pet now. I know you hate reptiles but deal with it till he comes to take over ok?
I see Bob growing up and becoming a young woman and know that in some small part of her heart and mind she compares boys to you. Or at least wonders if you would approve. Oh and there have been boys I wanted to call you and ask you to come scare off. Something about a big brother who is accurate with a weapon that makes the boys behave or go away. A few of your platoon mates have sort of tried to fill in there though. She doesn’t talk about you much. I think maybe she is still in some denial. I know she misses you terribly.
I see your Dad hurting and blaming himself because his generation didn’t fix the world, as if they could. He wanted you to have a better life.. that is all a parent ever wants for their kids. And I think part of him is just so damned angry that you didn’t even really get a chance to live. I know I am.
I see your friends getting married and starting families and I am happy for them but a part of me is mad as hell you didn’t get to do those things.
Then I see the kids who are never going to do anything but be a burden on society. Roaming the streets and getting arrested and I wonder why such a waste lives and you died.
In some ways you are still touching our lives. Inspiring me to write about it all so others can maybe have a little more compassion and understanding. Or maybe another family can see that they are not alone and although there is no right way or checklist for this we all have similar emotions and challenges. You inspired me to reach out to your brothers in arms also. One of the letters from the command in Iraq said their first thought was that if it had been anyone else but you, you would have been the one to rally everyone and boost morale. And that in a way you did just that when the guys sat and shared the stories of you antics. Every time I find out a new detail or hear a new story I am inspired by you.
I know you had so many dreams and plans. And I know you would have done it all.
You are so missed…
I love you
Mom
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