The Leopard Will Change His Spots

Book of Obama Chapter 13

And the Holy One, anointed by Holy Chief of Justice, John of Roberts, returned to the Dome of the Capital, dressed in the Holy suit and tie and addressed the assembled chapter of the Congress, the Holy Justices of the land, the members of the anointed Cabinet and guests from near and far, the Anointed One, Wearer of the Mantle of Power, spoke:

I ended the war in Iraq, I killed the evil bin Laden, and personally I welcomed all the soldiers home from Iraq. I am the Holy One, the President and I can do everything. I have brought peace to the world, the world respects us better now than at any time, I will end the war in Afghanistan too. For I am the Messiah of the World.

I want all of you, My slaves oops My people to remember what I did for you after World War 2. My Grandfather who fought with Patton (and liberated Auschwitz) and My Grandmother who built the entire US Navy by herself, got to go to college for nothing. They built the US to its greatness all by themselves.

But now I see that you have done everything to destroy Me. You have overspent, you have destroyed My credit (and yours), you have bought homes that you could not afford. But I am here. I will pay your mortgages. I will refinance your mortgages. I will make it all better. I am your Savior.

I will prevent jobs from going overseas. I will investigate businesses who outsource their jobs to China. (That is until Warren Buffet tells Me to stop.) There will be no more bailouts for banks, for Wall Street, for anyone, except for Unions. I saved the auto industry. No one helped Me. And they are stronger now than before. (Sorry about the Volt thing.) I will make other nations have an equal playing field with Me. I am the equalizer.

I will tax the rich higher. And I will tax everyone else higher too. I will change the tax code. I am Omnipotent. I can and will do all.

I salute America's teachers. I stand by your unions. I will throw more money to you so you can indoctrinate the children. I want a law saying that a child must stay in school until either he or she graduates or turns 18. That way I can have them indoctrinated to be our slaves. I will find a way to destroy the home schools, the private schools (But not the ones My daughters attend.), and the religious schools. Everyone will learn the same, think the same, live the same. Everyone will get free college under Me. (Except to the "good" schools.)

I will give citizenship to every immigrant to the United States. It matters not to Me if they are legally here or not. And I demand that this be done before the November elections (I need the votes.).

I will create jobs in energy. I will have the oil fields opened up. (Until the environmentalists either go to court or demand that I stop.) I demand that we develop alternate energy (The people who created Solyndra have given Me more money. I need to give them more government funds.) Under Me the United States has imported less oil than in the last 16 years. (Not really but if you tell a lie long and loud enough the sheeple will believe it.)

I will clear away all the Red Tape, all the government regulations that hold business down. But only until I am re-elected. Then not only will it all return but I will impose stricter restrictions upon the land.

Under My leadership the Muslim world has undergone transformations. I was the cause of the Arab Spring, the Arab renewal, the Muslim revival. This is all good in My eye. I will remove Assad from Syria, nukes from Iran and Jews from Palestine. I will defeat the evil Netanyahu and replace him with the moderate Abbas. There will be peace through out the land, for under Me all will drink the Kool-Aid and sing the Kumbaya. Under Me all men, all women will live in peace. There will be peace, the peace of Islam and the joy of the jizya. This I will demand of the world.

Upon listening to this the people turned to each other and wondered why the Anointed One didn't do any of these things when He first came into office. They saw what He had done and shook their heads. In a loud voice they shouted:

NOT THIS TIME!

By Findalis of Monkey in the Middle

In Humility He Spoke

By Findalis

Book of Obama:  Chapter 12

pon the appointed time the Anointed One, Wearer of the Mantle of Power, returned to the Dome of the Capital. Dressed in the holy suit and tie, bearing upon His lapel the shield of the flag and wearing upon His face the look of contrition, He walked in to addressed the nation.

Upon arrival the assembled chapter of the Congress, the Holy Justices of the land, the members of the anointed Cabinet and guests from near and far, the Anointed One, Wearer of the Mantle of Power, spoke:

et Me first congratulate the members of the 112th Congress, the new Speaker of the House, and We send Our prayers to Our dear friend Gabby Gifford, who's empty chair reminds us of the violence of those who own guns will do.
We have not seen eye to eye these last two years.  While I have tried to steer this nation towards the European Model which is the best one.  The Republicans have tried to thwart Me.  They even were able to convince the people to turn on Me.  I have received their message.  I will enter the center.

We are one nation, one family.  We can work out our differences so long as you follow My plan and My way.  I know best, you do not.

I will not spend our money foolishly anymore, but will INVEST for the future. The future of energy. The future of education. The future of our economy. See we are not spending. We are investing. Though these investments will cost us trillions.

This not about Me, or who will win the next election (I will.), but about how I am going to get you to ignore the past two years and vote for Me in 2012.

I am poised for greatness, but are heading for failure. This is not My fault. It is the fault of our teachers, our scientist, previous Presidents. But not Me.

India and China outshine us. China is better than us in everything. I cannot compete with them. They are better in math and science. They out produce us. They own our nation. I must bow down to them.

I propose that we are having a Sputnik Moment. While the whole world is speeding ahead of us in technology, education, innovation, we lag behind. I do not spend enough on these areas. Therefore I propose that we throw away more money on these ideas. After all that is the only policy I know.

I propose that we cut discretionary spending, but only a little bit.  I want to fool the people, not actually do any cuts except for the Military. There gays can serve openly, I will remove our troops from Iraq and Afghanistan this year, and destroy all of our nukes too.

I must not hold teachers accountable for their actions in the classroom.  I put all the blame on the parents.  Nothing is the teacher's fault, there are no bad teachers, you must never fire a teacher.

I will give every person a free education. It will not teach the basics, they are not necessary. It will teach all the touchy-feely ideas My friend Bill thinks we should teach.

I will give an almost free college education. Not just to our citizens, but to every illegal undocumented immigrant too.

In fact, to every young person listening tonight who’s contemplating their career choice: If you want to make a difference in the life of our nation; if you want to make a difference in the life of a child – become a teacher. You can never be fired.

I will not allow you to destroy the Healthcare Law.  It is My greatest achievements and will be My legacy to the nation.  Now and in the future.

Just as I have done in the White House, I will demand greater transparency for this Congress. It has worked just fine for us. This Congress will have everyone looking down on them. What bills they write. What lobbyists they see. How many earmarks they have. It will be wonderful for the people.

I will double our exports by 2014, as soon as I discover what we export. I will cut government regulation on businesses. And cut the tax rate on business.

I will balance the budget, and cut the defect.
I will restore this economy.
I will bring peace to the world.
I will make the internet faster for all.
I will bring high speed trains to every city.
I am Obama! I can do it all!

You see, I am the center.

And the multitudes listened to the speech, but for once the Anointed One did not stir the multitudes.  The speech fell flat, uninspiring.  The Messiah had lost his voice.

For upon listening to this speech it was like being sweet talked by Tiger Woods.  Neither would be believed by the listener.

State Of The Nation

by Findalis of Monkey in the Middle

Book of Obama:  Chapter 10

 


e placed The Holy Suit and Tie once again upon His body, and ascended once again to the Dome.  There the assembled chapter of the Congress, the Holy Justices of the land, the members of the anointed Cabinet and guests from near and far sat awaiting His words.  Unlike the year before, He wasn't popular.  Every plan, every idea He had, was rejected by the people.

"We do not want your Cap and Trade, Health Care, or other Moonbat ideas.  Your bowing down to dictators, despots and tyrants around the world does not put us at ease You have apologized to everyone for all the supposed evils that we were suspected of doing.  You are getting ready to destroy our laws, by declaring the Holy Document invalid.  We have heard enough lies from you, your dogs Emanuel, Axelrod, Pelosi and Reid.  We've heard them all and we've learned a couple of things."

The Anointed One just smiled and then addressed the Nation:

short year ago I took office, but that is just a breeze in time.  Look back upon our Founding Fathers, our struggles during the Civil War, the Depression.  We did not flounder or despair.  Nor did we despair through out the struggles of the Civil Rights Movement.  And I will not despair now.

For I inherited a bad economy that was shaken to its core.  I opposed all of the bailouts done, for I saw the harm they will do.  My stimulus plan has created jobs in teaching, rescue, construction and other sectors.

We need Health Care now!  I demand Congress to pass.  Cap and Trade too.  Forget about the Holy Document.  There is too much to do.

I am a man of the people, representative of the Middle Class, My values are the same as yours.  I love this country so much I would never bad name it.  But we did wrong with the Muslim world, and other places too.  I said to them I am sorry, there is nothing you can do.

I said I would create jobs, and that I will do.  For every man and woman.  New industries, new factories, Red, White, Blue, and Green.  We must compete with China, Korea, and Germany too.  This we must excel in if we are going to continually survive.

I will eliminate the nukes of the world, starting with our own.  For did not the Great Reagan of old try to achieve this very goal.

People through out the land write to Me with their problems.  A businessman in Denver*, or in Philadelphia, a teacher in the city, the cop on the beat, a child who wants to know why Mommy and Daddy lost their jobs, another who just lost his home.  I read all their letters, I know all their problems, and I will solve them all.

I could go on all night, but that will do no good at all.  I promised you Hope and Change, and did not lie to you on that, for I am not President #43.

And after The Anointed One had finished His speech, His  followers were full of glee.  For they just knew that once again He had saved the day.

But from right across the river, from the city of Richmond in the land of Virginia, came a new prophet from the right.  Bob The Wise McDonnell.

The Prophet spoke of those with a job, how 1 in 10 lost theirs.
He spoke of the despair the nation felt, of how the economy  was gone.
He spoke of the need for smaller government, how The Anointed One did spend.
He said that the time for spending cuts and freezes were last year, not when your polling number has shown you have failed.

The Prophet McDonnell told the people that it isn't too late.
That the time has come to sit and wait,
So The Anointed One could not shove His agenda down our throats.

He told the assembled people and media the truth.
And our solutions aren't 1,000-page bills that no one has fully read,
After being crafted behind closed doors with special interests.
In fact, many of our proposals are available online at solutions.gop.gov, and we welcome your ideas on Facebook and Twitter.

He told them this and more.

 And through it all, the world went on, the nation will endure.

The GOP got Teddy's seat, they can get more they will.
For the people have seen the truth, heard the lies and broken promises.
Unlike those on the left, the right will not just yell.
They are the ones, in Midterm years, come out in droves to vote.

Reid, Frank and Boxer, plus many more are running scared tonight.
For the GOP has the will, the drive and the clout,
To drive the Moonbats back into the dark.

We just have to wait for November to do it!


*  The President mentioned many people in his speech, but none by name, nor did he recognize any of them in the balcony (he only recognized his wife).  Could it be they are all named:  Ellie Light?

The Lesson At The Dome

By Findalis


He ascended to the Dome of the Capital, dressed in the holy suit and tie.
Upon arrival the assembled chapter of the Congress, the Holy Justices of the land, the members of the anointed Cabinet and guests from near and far, the Anointed One, Wearer of the Mantle of Power, spoke:

I speak not to the assemblage here, but to the nation as a whole,
I know of your pain, I have heard your cries of anguish,
The child whose college dreams are shattered,
The business that is going under,
The job that is gone.
I will fix that all.

This Recession is not My fault, it was the doing of others,
It was others that destroyed our Health Care, Schools and Jobs.
But I have heard your cries, and I will repair the damage.
We will have less, work more, and struggle harder,
But we will prevail.

I have foreseen all this.
The law that I just created was a start, there will be many more like it.
There will be jobs, I promise you that.
There will be more money in your hand,
This 1st of April, on that.

I will bring to all the blessings of Health with no cost to you,
I will bring to all the blessings of college, that wonderful place, to your children, with no cost to you,
I will bring to you the blessings of Wealth, with no cost to you,

Through Me we will cure all the problems that we face.
I know where the answers lie,
Not in the former wizards of the past,
but in the new wizards of technology that will be green and good.
New wizards that will banish the foreign oil demon back to the gates of Hell,
New wizards who when given the right amount of funds, will solve all of our energy needs and clean the environment too.

But we cannot wait, we must forge ahead,
We must spread the wealth around to all young and old.
I will even balance the budget, by 2015, so it is told.

I will sit with our enemies and listen to them,
Will make the radicals of Islam kneel before all,
I will bring peace to the Israelis, Palestinians too,
Have sent My envoy Mitchell to bring them the truth too.

I have signed the order,
We torture no more,
And the prison of Gitmo will be gone for ever more.
We will deal with the prisoners like the criminals they are,
In Our courts and with juries, and I know they will walk.

For through Me, All things are possible.
For through Me, All things will be made whole.
For through Me, Our economy will recover.
For I am the Hope and the Change.
I will bring us all to the Land of Plenty.

All through the speech, Pelosi the Loud, kept rising in joy like a yo-yo. She guided the assembled in their cheers.

After the speech the media hacks, gushed glowing terms over each word the Anointed One spoke.
They called it brilliant, enlightened and bold.
They clamored over each other, trying to be the first to praise Him.
That is until a small voice said:

Wait just a minute!
He tells you that He will do all these things.
Balancing the budget, Health Care, Education, Jobs and Wealth.
And without tax increases, just spend more He said.
And if that doesn't work, we will just spend more again.

You cannot keep spending like there is no tomorrow.
Sooner or later the money will run out.
You have to raise taxes, to cover your expenses.

This Emperor we have, is telling us lies.
We cannot do all this, yet He will try.
He will spend so much money, that there will be none left,
For the daily running of this nations defense.

The hacks looked around to see who had spoke, in tones that weren't glowing of their Anointed One.
They saw to their horror a brave man in the corner.
It was none other than the Governor of Louisiana, Bobby Jindal the Prophet.

Jindal the prophet, spoke to them of responsibility,
Of how this nation needs to start producing its own goods again.
Of how this nation needs to spend less and save more.
Of how this nation didn't negotiate with our foes.

The hacks just smiled and shooed The Prophet away.
Then they returned to the glow of the Anointed One.

But many in the nation heard the words of Jindal the Prophet.
They looked to each other and nodded in agreement.
Just wait Anointed One, in just 4 years.
This prophet will be singing our praises.

For the Anointed One's star is starting to descend.
From ratings of 80% now to just 59%.
He may not last at this high rate. Especially if the economy tanks.

Hope may come to the land,
Not without hardship.
Change will come, just let it be soon.