Friday, March 11, 2016

Are You Man Enough To Be An FBI Agent?

The FBI in Portland has listed their criteria for candidates for agent in the state of Oregon:

  • You must have the determination to kill an unarmed 54 year old civilian
  • You must be able to effectively sneak up on your targeted 54 year old civilian from behind and shoot him three times in the back until he dies
  • You must have the toughness to kill said subject while he stands in waist deep snow and holds his arms up in the air
  • You must have nerves of steel so that you can hold a press conference and state that your shooting was justified
  • You must have the uncanny ability to lie that you didn't shoot your weapon while keeping a straight face
  • You must have the shooting accuracy from 15 yards to be able to shoot out the vehicle window with a teen age girl behind it


Anonymous said...

I also believe that an FBI agent should have the ability to help schedule a citizens meeting and then ambush said citizens in route to the meeting place.

A good FBI agent also has the Iraq methods of urban warfare memorized. This includes the correct and proper placement of a kill box.


Holger Awakens said...

Touche' Doug,

Excellent additions.