Book of Obama, Chapter 6
It came to pass that on the 4th day of the month of June, the Anointed One journeyed to the land of the Pharaohs. In the city of Cairo, where no Pharaoh had ever walked, the Anointed One, spoke to the assembled at the Hall of Learning.
I carry to you the goodwill of MY people of America and the peace of the Mosques of America: assalaamu alaykum.The assembled in the Hall of Learning rose in great cheers. For He will give them the world on a platter and they have to do almost nothing. No more cries of: "Death to Israel!" No more whispers and planning. All they have to do is sit back and let it happen.
We in the West have kept the Muslim down in the gutter for too long. We have colonized your lands, stolen your property and kept you in ignorance. But I will CHANGE that.
On 9/11 you attacked us, and we were angry. But that is now over. We can work together without us mentioning 9/11, all is forgiven.
This CHANGE will not be easy. This CHANGE will not take place overnight. It will take a year or two, but I will bring CHANGE and HOPE to all the Muslim world.
I tell you that I am a Christian, but MY father, grandfather and brother were all Muslims. I spent many years as a boy in a Muslim land. I worked with Muslims in Chicago. And I learned your history. How you developed Algebra (actually invented in India) , the Magnetic Compass (invented in China), pens and printing(invented in China), all the while bringing peace, prosperity, and harmony to the world ( as long as the Christians, Jews and Hindus paid a special tax and lived as second class citizens). Your level of medicine rivaled that of the modern world of today (that is if you like dipping fly wings into your tea and drinking it to cure disease). How you brought about the Renaissance and Enlightenment (both would have come earlier if Muslim armies hadn't invaded Europe).
I know that Muslims were fundamental to the establishment of the United States. That Muslims fought in our wars, served in government, stood for civil rights, started businesses, taught at our Universities, excelled in our sports arenas, won Nobel Prizes, built our tallest building, and lit the Olympic Torch (all within the last 50 years). We were first recognized by Morocco (that is after France, Great Britain, and Spain).
You have a bad misconception of ME. MY America is Muslim friendly with a Mosque in every state and 1200 in the nation. We welcome Muslims with open arms. You are free to force your women to wear your burkas, insist on forcing Christians and Jews into a Dhimmi role, and kill your female relatives if they upset your honor. Just don't show anti-Semitic pictures. Don't yell your true feelings of hatred in the world.
We are all humans. We must all respect that.
I will state it again: America is not at war with Islam. (So please don't attack us again, right?)
I will not keep MY troops in Afghanistan or Iraq. I will have them away from those lands within a few years. (I'm gonna need them to destroy Israel.) We will keep up the illusion of fighting the extremists with the help of of the Muslim world. (I know you don't want them to lose and I need to save face.) We will defeat them together. (Or not, they are useful to keep the sheep scared.)
I will bring a solution to the Palestinian problem. It is all the fault of the Israelis. They will do what I will say. There will be peace. For I will make Israel give the Palestinians everything that they want, and the Palestinians will not have to do anything. And if there isn't peace, then I will blame the failure on the Israelis.
I will allow Iran to have Nukes, and will make everyone give up theirs instead. That way the Muslim world can have as many Nukes they wish to force their will on others.
I grant Freedom of Religion to all Muslims. The 7 million Muslims in America (There are no more than 3 million Muslims in America) have such freedom. That is why we welcome efforts like Saudi Arabian King Abdullah's Interfaith dialogue (How many churches and synagogues are there in Saudi Arabia?) and Turkey's leadership in the Alliance of Civilizations (As long as non-Muslims accept the Dhimmitude).
The right of women to wear the hajib I give freely. You should educate them, but remember your faith does not allow them to be treated equally.
I give you the gift of Democracy. But only the Democracy that you want. I urge you to treat your non-Muslims with dignity, but remember they are Dhimmis and you know the rights they are to have.
And then He spoke from the Koran, He spoke the words of peace and understanding.
But a wind began to stir. The discord of dissent was coming from the Holy City. The Leader of the Hebrews, Netanyahu arose. He spoke the words of discourse loud enough for all to hear:
NO WE WON'T!!!!!!!
5 comments:
More of the “good” parts. It seems that The Won will insure that we fund a huge polio vaccination effort, that we will fund and open science centers on every continent and that we will make many more scholarships available to muslim students for study here in the US.
Well, let me tell you a few things:
1. The polio vaccine was funded by the children and mothers of the United States of America in the very first March of Dimes. My mother and I participated in that effort. Ever since the people of the United States of America have made the polio vaccine available at low or no cost to the children of every nation in the world and it is we who primarily fund the UN vaccination program - which the muslims themselves REFUSE. Why should we pay yet again?
2. The OIC nations - islamic every one - have received literally trillions of US dollars from us over the years, not counting the initial investments by US oil companies. These are wealthy nations. If they choose to hoard the wealth they have received from us in the hands of a few, then they need to answer to their own people. Meanwhile, they have billions upon billions of dollars to fund science centers all by themselves thank you. They have preferred to fund things like diamond encrusted luxury automobiles and indoor ski areas in the middle of a desert. NOT ONE MORE DIME, OBAMA!
3. These same OIC nations have plenty of money to send students to the US to study. Meanwhile, our own students here in the United States of America are funding their college education with student loans that often end up totaling the purchase price of a house for a four year degree. If we the American People are going to be funding more scholarships for more students in these devastating financial times, then that money needs to go to students that are citizens of the United States of America.
Not another dime, Obama. You have emptied our treasury and sold off our assets at a phenomenal rate. If the Egyptians want to send more students to the US to study then they can use some of the $50 billion in foreign aid that we have paid them over the last 35 years or so. NOT ONE MORE DIME!
Great Post, Tusker - luved every word. According to the CIA current factbook, there are only about 1.5 muslims in America. It is very difficult to estimate since the US Census Bureau does not screen by religious affiliation. Other groups are politically motivated when stating their so called researched numbers. As for the CIA factbook, it is based on unbiased review and estimation from all sources.
Anonymous: Both Polio vaccines were invented by Jews. We should tell the Muslim world that every time we inoculate one of their children. That would drive them crazy (riots everyone).
No more funds for any nation that will not become or is not a democracy. Let the Muslim world fix their own problems (they have enough money to do it).
HFDean: I gave the figure of 3 million to be generous. Actually the figure given is normally 1.8 to 3 million Muslims in America. Less than 1%. The US is not a Muslim nation. Now on the other hand, there are 6 million Jews in the US. The US is the second largest Jewish nation in the world (Israel is the largest). But they don't make up a majority. So the US cannot be called a Jewish nation. The majority religion in the US is Christianity at 78% of the population. By right the US can be called a Christian nation.
I wonder what Obama would think of that?
HF! Good to see you here, man!
This was cross posted here by Findalis and it's absolutely terrific as you say.
Congrats Findalis on a terrific post and many thanks for putting it up here on this "momentous" day.
READERS - don't forget to enjoy more of Findalis' work at:
http://findalismonkeyinthemiddle.blogspot.com
:Holger Danske
Thanks for the link back. I find that writing the Book of Obama is easier each time he speaks. It has not even been a year, and we have 6 chapters and 1 psalm.
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