Hillary Clinton will be pitted against Cecile Richards, the president of Planned Parenthood, as they go head to head in a winner-takes-all competition.
The competition will decide if Hillary Clinton can beat a coal miner into unconsciousness faster than Cecile Richards can abort a baby on stage. A medical professional will be on hand to gauge whether the miner is indeed unconscious and will also hoist the removed dead, mutilated fetus to prove completion.
Requests by Susan Sarandon, Alicia Keys, and Meryl Streep to be able to bid on the aborted baby's organs were turned down at the last minute, only due to overall time constraints on the air time of the competition and that Mrs. Clinton will need to wash off the miner's blood and the body parts of the dead baby before her acceptance speech.
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