We've all heard the political stump speeches by the Leftist Democrats running for state offices, the House of Representatives and the Senate...we've all heard these "pitches" they make which are supposed to make it clear that they are by far the one to vote for.
Well, I've decided to translate some of those campaign promises and statements so everyone in America can get the real meaning behind them.
CAMPAIGN POINT: "I am 100% behind education for our children. Our future economy and society is dependent on the quality of our children's education and thus I support all efforts to bolster funding of our education system."
TRANSLATION: "I have every single teachers' union backing me in this election bid so I had to promise them that I would double the taxes on regular people so we could up the teachers' salaries. I don't give a rat's ass about how smart our kids come out, I just need to keep the NEA and the State Teachers Union on my side"
CAMPAIGN POINT: " My campaign is all about creating jobs for the people of my district. For too long we have lived with the failed policies that have led to this economic crisis and if elected, I will work hard to see that Americans go back to work."
TRANSLATION: " Over 50% of my campaign funding has come from public sector unions so I am committed to voting for more and more stimulus bills which will ensure that those working in unions serving the public sector are well take care of. Those people in the private sector are on their own...if they are smart, they'll quit their jobs and get on the government payroll."
CAMPAIGN POINT: " I was against the war in Iraq from day one and I firmly believe that we should no longer be in Afghanistan. Bring our troops home now!"
TRANSLATION: " I hate America and I could care less if we are attacked again like we were on 9/11. Besides, I'm going to vote to have the Defense Budget slashed in half so most of the troops will be out of a job anyway."
CAMPAIGN POINT: " It's about time you send me to Washington so I can take on the big corporate interests that are robbing America of jobs. I will work tirelessly to see that the big companies' corruption and influence is ended in Washington, D.C."
TRANSLATION: " I have over $1.5 million invested in Fortune 500 companies through a portfolio of stocks, mutual funds and 401 k's. I'll be sure to go after the corporations that I don't have my money invested in."
CAMPAIGN POINT: " We have to carry the healthcare bill even further in America. We've made some good progress this past year but there are still too many Americans who will not have access to good quality healthcare."
TRANSLATION: "My family and I will be covered by the Congressional healthcare plan which is top notch. That's all that matters to me personally, so the fact that you folks will be stuck with crap healthcare doesn't really matter as long as I still keep saying I care about you."
CAMPAIGN POINT: " I will work very hard to ensure that your Social Security, your Medicaire and your Medicaid will not be touched. Too many Americans depend on these essential services."
TRANSLATION: " Considering the fact that you people will elect politicians who have tripled the national debt in the past couple of years, who am I to bring up the bankruptcy that these entitlements will bring all of us? If you don't actually get any Social Security benefits when it comes to your time, at least you can feel good that you helped others before you."
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